So this is my last blog entry as pregnant lady...which is surprisingly bittersweet. I am beyond excited to think about how I get to hold Dominic today. I get to FINALLY see what he looks like and kiss his little cheeks. But, it really is wierd to think that after today, I will likely never be pregnant again. All I ever did was complain about how horrible pregnancy is. And it really is horrible. Don't let people fool you when they say it is beautiful. They forget. As I am sure I will too. The baby is beautiful, even if they are ugly, the pregnancy sucks. But regardless, this has been my identity for 9 months, and today, that goes away. I swear it is so strange how for 25 years of my life I wasn't pregnant, but I honestly do not even remember what I am like not pregnant. I am almost a little nervous to find out. It will obviously be different than anything I ever was before, because now I will be a Mommy. A whole new identity. Just like that.
While I am sitting here thinking about this whole journey in my head, I am already forgetting all the sucky things. I guess it is just because this day is what you have been enduring all that for, and that is totally overwhelming.
You have hope when you get married that it will last forever. Why would you ever get married if you didn't think that was possible? But it isn't guarunteed. Becoming a parent is the only thing in life that lasts forever. Even in death, you are still someone's parent, and they are still your child. Although I have felt from the moment we found out we were having a baby that this was my child, there is really nothing like the feeling of today. Beginning today, I will no longer be simply Becky - I have some pretty important "titles" in my life right now - wife, teacher, friend, sister - but now I will add Mom, which is by far the most important one.
I know I usually try to keep my blog light hearted, maybe even throw in a few jokes to keep you laughing, so sorry for being serious. It is just such a crazy thing to feel right now and to really have no idea how to express it. I have no idea if I want to sit here and cry while I am writing this, maybe because I am sad that this is all over, and definitely because I am happy that this whole new thing is starting. Maybe I will just cry for both at the same time. :)
I will be back writing tomorrow probably. Women and Infants has wi fi. I can't promise though. I do promise that Dennis will send people pictures and I will do my best to update with pictures as soon as I can.
Until next time...with my new baby!
PS: Dennis, I love you.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
The last days as a pregnant momma...
So today could officially be my last day as a pregnant lady. Hallelujah! I feel like I have been pregnant forever. I sort of have. If you count the miscarriage we had right before getting pregnant with Dominic, it really seems like I have been pregnant for 2 extra months. Still not as long as Leigh though...having 2 babies in like 20 months! :)
I go to the doctor at 1:30 today. Last time I was there, they had said that if I was not in labor before today, they would induce tomorrow night and the baby would be here by Wednesday. That is what I have my heart set on. If they change that, I will kill them. Seriously. Unless of course, it becomes earlier :) Then I will kiss them. I just feel like you can't tell a pregnant woman that she is going to have her baby on one day, and change your mind and make it later. It is mean. It is so annoying to be this pregnant that one day really does make a HUGE difference. I had such a hard time sleeping last night thinking about the possibility of meeting Dominic in the next few days..and then when Dennis left for work I tried to go back to sleep and made it for like an hour..and now I am just crazy with excitement and anticipation. This is going to be the longest morning..
I go to the doctor at 1:30 today. Last time I was there, they had said that if I was not in labor before today, they would induce tomorrow night and the baby would be here by Wednesday. That is what I have my heart set on. If they change that, I will kill them. Seriously. Unless of course, it becomes earlier :) Then I will kiss them. I just feel like you can't tell a pregnant woman that she is going to have her baby on one day, and change your mind and make it later. It is mean. It is so annoying to be this pregnant that one day really does make a HUGE difference. I had such a hard time sleeping last night thinking about the possibility of meeting Dominic in the next few days..and then when Dennis left for work I tried to go back to sleep and made it for like an hour..and now I am just crazy with excitement and anticipation. This is going to be the longest morning..
Thursday, June 5, 2008
A sigh of relief
This morning Dennis and I went in the for the super special ultrasound. So apparently they make all different kinds of ultrasound machines. Most regular ob offices have a regular ultrasound machine. It gets the job done, until they think something might be wrong, then they send you to the super expensive, crazy detailed ultrasound machine. This ultrasound machine is apparently made specifically for baby ultrasounds, as opposed to being used to detect problems in other organs or blood clots in regular people, etc. Anywho, we go...
The ultrasound tech was really nice and explained that she was going to keep the screen facing her while she took all the pictures for the test and after she was finished, she would show us the baby then have the specialist doctor come talk to us about the results. Since the baby is at full term, ultrasounds aren't as exciting as they used to be. Even as a small baby, he is so cramped, it is hard to get detailed images of him so we only looked at him for a minute or so. So the doctor comes in after and says "If your baby isn't too small raise your hand" and I just stared at him and he picked my arm up! Yay!!! Everything came back great for Dominic. He has no blood clots in him, or the placenta, or the umbilical cord. He is measuring in at a little over 5 lbs, which is still pretty small, but it is in the 14th percentile instead of the 10th...and based on observations from other babies, most babies over the 10th percentile still continue on with normal life, they just start out small. A huge sigh of relief. Like he said, this is just an estimate of his weight...so they could be a little off, but everything does look good for him. (Keep in mind that they told Kat Logan was going to weigh like 13 lbs when he was born...and he was like 7 and change) So sometimes they are wrong...but even if they are wrong and he is a little bit smaller, the point is that he is still getting all his nutrients and oxygen and all that because there are no blockages. That is way more important than a couple of ounces.
There was one part of the appointment that wasn't as successful. My amniotic fluid is really low. Basically an average preggo has 10-20 cm of amniotic fluid in her uterus. If it goes below 5cm, they automatically do a C-section and take out the baby because that isn't necessarily enough for him to breath with. I am at 5.9cm. Great. But I am also 4 cm dilated (woo hoo..exciting for the birth, not for walking around like a normal person) so if I am getting close to delivery, then that is ok. He seems to think that I should be ok as long as it is monitored. He was going to call my regular OB to see what they wanted to do. I am assuming since I haven't heard from them, I am ok for now. I am going in on Monday to get the full details of the induction anyway, so maybe that is enough to wait until then. My only concern now is that with a low amount of fluids, they usually feel more comfortable doing a c-section to get the baby out faster so he doesn't aspirate. But honestly, at this point ALL I care about is that he is out safely..and whatever way that has to happen is the way I want.
So overall, this was a day filled with good news. The baby is normal, and wonderful, and healthy and just tini tiny and will be extra fun to snuggle.
The ultrasound tech was really nice and explained that she was going to keep the screen facing her while she took all the pictures for the test and after she was finished, she would show us the baby then have the specialist doctor come talk to us about the results. Since the baby is at full term, ultrasounds aren't as exciting as they used to be. Even as a small baby, he is so cramped, it is hard to get detailed images of him so we only looked at him for a minute or so. So the doctor comes in after and says "If your baby isn't too small raise your hand" and I just stared at him and he picked my arm up! Yay!!! Everything came back great for Dominic. He has no blood clots in him, or the placenta, or the umbilical cord. He is measuring in at a little over 5 lbs, which is still pretty small, but it is in the 14th percentile instead of the 10th...and based on observations from other babies, most babies over the 10th percentile still continue on with normal life, they just start out small. A huge sigh of relief. Like he said, this is just an estimate of his weight...so they could be a little off, but everything does look good for him. (Keep in mind that they told Kat Logan was going to weigh like 13 lbs when he was born...and he was like 7 and change) So sometimes they are wrong...but even if they are wrong and he is a little bit smaller, the point is that he is still getting all his nutrients and oxygen and all that because there are no blockages. That is way more important than a couple of ounces.
There was one part of the appointment that wasn't as successful. My amniotic fluid is really low. Basically an average preggo has 10-20 cm of amniotic fluid in her uterus. If it goes below 5cm, they automatically do a C-section and take out the baby because that isn't necessarily enough for him to breath with. I am at 5.9cm. Great. But I am also 4 cm dilated (woo hoo..exciting for the birth, not for walking around like a normal person) so if I am getting close to delivery, then that is ok. He seems to think that I should be ok as long as it is monitored. He was going to call my regular OB to see what they wanted to do. I am assuming since I haven't heard from them, I am ok for now. I am going in on Monday to get the full details of the induction anyway, so maybe that is enough to wait until then. My only concern now is that with a low amount of fluids, they usually feel more comfortable doing a c-section to get the baby out faster so he doesn't aspirate. But honestly, at this point ALL I care about is that he is out safely..and whatever way that has to happen is the way I want.
So overall, this was a day filled with good news. The baby is normal, and wonderful, and healthy and just tini tiny and will be extra fun to snuggle.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Very Quick Update
Doesn't look like I will have the special ultrasound today. Most likely tomorrow.
I'll let you know :)
I'll let you know :)
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
I'm back :)
So I changed the name of my blog. I am totally copying the host of Chelsea Lately on E!. She wrote a book (#1 on the New York Times right now) called Are you there Vodka? It's me Chelsea. I don't even watch her show...and I haven't read the book. But I saw her on Jay Leno promoting the book and I laughed a lot at the title, because sometimes I really feel that way. Plus, it's fun to take something from your childhood (Are you there God? It's me Margaret.) and make it fun for your adulthood.
Anyway, I have been out of commission because I didn't feel like writing. That's really it. I didn't have anything I wanted to say so that the whole world (that of course reads MY blog) could comment about it. I'm feeling more open and social now.
So exciting news on the baby front: If I don't go into labor before next Tuesday (June 10th) they are going to induce and he will be here on Wednesday June 11!! AAAAAH! I am currently 3 centimeters dilated and the doc said that she would be surprised if I waited all the way til next Tuesday, so we'll see what happens.
The not so great news about this...it seems that the baby has basically stopped growing in the last few weeks. He is only measuring out at about 4.5 to 4.75lbs and should be measuring out at at least 6 to 8 at this point in the pregnancy. They don't know exactly why this is happening. The entire pregnancy I have been monitored extra because of all the blood clot history that I have. I have had ultrasounds at least once a month and sometimes more, and everything has been wonderful. He was growing really well. Basically measuring out in the 75th percentile. Then suddenly he stops, and is measuring out below the 10th percentile for his gestational age. This can be caused by a few things, but they are thinking it is either a blood clot in the umbilical cord or small once in the placenta. The weird thing is that I am on blood thinners to prevent blood clots, BUT the two types I have been taking are made so that they do not travel to the placenta. The placenta is a natural blood clot filter. If any blood clots try to get the baby, the placenta traps them so adding blood thinners that travel through the placenta can cause the baby to have blood that is too thin, which is very dangerous. Anyway, I was on fetal monitoring for a while yesterday and the baby is behaving normally. His heart rate is great and his activity level is high, which means he is not experiencing any kinds of stress from this potential problem. Since he is still behaving normally, they are going to try and wait that extra week to give him a little more time to develop his lungs. I am going for a specific kind of ultra sound tomorrow that also shows the blood flow through the placenta, umbilical cord and baby. I had one of these on my legs when they found the first blood clot I had a few years ago. Very helpful stuff. As long as everything looks normal, we will wait it out until next week. If they see anything that could even suggest potential harm to the baby, I will have him tomorrow. Instinct is telling me that nothing is majorly wrong and it would be much better for him to wait this extra week. But, take that with a grain of salt because I had no feelings that there was a problem to begin with. I swore up and down that I would go into labor on June 17. I was obviously wrong.
Dennis and I are actually dealing with the news really well. We have total faith in whatever higher being we decide to have faith in today, that everything will work out as it should. Stress will not help that. We are very excited to have the opportunity to have our baby, regardless of his size or the potential problems it can pose for his future. Right now, we just have to do our last minute preparations to make everything as comfy for everyone as possible. I know there are a few of you reading this and freaking out (probably Kat ;) ) but honestly it is ok. I'll let you know what happens with the test tomorrow.
Oh and by the way, in the middle of all this, we moved back to my parents. Awesome. Tell you about all that another time.
Anyway, I have been out of commission because I didn't feel like writing. That's really it. I didn't have anything I wanted to say so that the whole world (that of course reads MY blog) could comment about it. I'm feeling more open and social now.
So exciting news on the baby front: If I don't go into labor before next Tuesday (June 10th) they are going to induce and he will be here on Wednesday June 11!! AAAAAH! I am currently 3 centimeters dilated and the doc said that she would be surprised if I waited all the way til next Tuesday, so we'll see what happens.
The not so great news about this...it seems that the baby has basically stopped growing in the last few weeks. He is only measuring out at about 4.5 to 4.75lbs and should be measuring out at at least 6 to 8 at this point in the pregnancy. They don't know exactly why this is happening. The entire pregnancy I have been monitored extra because of all the blood clot history that I have. I have had ultrasounds at least once a month and sometimes more, and everything has been wonderful. He was growing really well. Basically measuring out in the 75th percentile. Then suddenly he stops, and is measuring out below the 10th percentile for his gestational age. This can be caused by a few things, but they are thinking it is either a blood clot in the umbilical cord or small once in the placenta. The weird thing is that I am on blood thinners to prevent blood clots, BUT the two types I have been taking are made so that they do not travel to the placenta. The placenta is a natural blood clot filter. If any blood clots try to get the baby, the placenta traps them so adding blood thinners that travel through the placenta can cause the baby to have blood that is too thin, which is very dangerous. Anyway, I was on fetal monitoring for a while yesterday and the baby is behaving normally. His heart rate is great and his activity level is high, which means he is not experiencing any kinds of stress from this potential problem. Since he is still behaving normally, they are going to try and wait that extra week to give him a little more time to develop his lungs. I am going for a specific kind of ultra sound tomorrow that also shows the blood flow through the placenta, umbilical cord and baby. I had one of these on my legs when they found the first blood clot I had a few years ago. Very helpful stuff. As long as everything looks normal, we will wait it out until next week. If they see anything that could even suggest potential harm to the baby, I will have him tomorrow. Instinct is telling me that nothing is majorly wrong and it would be much better for him to wait this extra week. But, take that with a grain of salt because I had no feelings that there was a problem to begin with. I swore up and down that I would go into labor on June 17. I was obviously wrong.
Dennis and I are actually dealing with the news really well. We have total faith in whatever higher being we decide to have faith in today, that everything will work out as it should. Stress will not help that. We are very excited to have the opportunity to have our baby, regardless of his size or the potential problems it can pose for his future. Right now, we just have to do our last minute preparations to make everything as comfy for everyone as possible. I know there are a few of you reading this and freaking out (probably Kat ;) ) but honestly it is ok. I'll let you know what happens with the test tomorrow.
Oh and by the way, in the middle of all this, we moved back to my parents. Awesome. Tell you about all that another time.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Blame Nicole
Becky -- |
| [adjective]: Extremely extreme! |
| 'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com |
Dennis -- |
| [noun]: A beat poet working the streets |
| 'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com |
Dominic -- |
| [noun]: A real life terminator |
| 'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com |
Thursday, May 8, 2008
blah.
Blah. I have been so not into blogging lately. I was thinking about making the blog private because of dumb people reading it that really have no reason to be...other than that they are trying to be a part of a life they aren't in. But to make it private, I have to list the email addresses of people who are allowed to read it and that is to much work. So I just have to accept that these people are reading and move on.
So we didn't get the house (another reason I didn't write...). I am sad about it. Well I was sad about it. I am pretty much over it now. Obviously it wasn't meant to be, but I had high hopes. So we are back to the search. Which is the worst part. It is fascinating how disgusting some houses are - and I don't mean messy, I mean like actually disgusting. You REALLY have to have an imagination to see the potential in some houses!
Yesterday was my birthday. Being 8 and half months pregnant you can imagine the rager that I had. I think Dennis and I were asleep before 9. I even missed American Idol. It really was extremely uneventful, but that was my choice. There were many people requesting a celebration of some sort, but I REALLY hate getting dressed and being out. I am so uncomfortable. The thing that makes me laugh the most is that people are like, wow you are so small for 8 months. Ha. It's all relative. I may be small compared to some one else, but I am not small compared to not being pregnant so it still sucks. Thanks though.
So I am totally addicted to Slurpees. It doesn't have to be an actual slurpee, but some kind of frozen juicey thing. It is my current craving. I had two yesterday! I think I could feel the sugar turning to fat in my ass and thighs. Oh well...Dominic needs sugar doesn't he?
Another exciting post for you...sorry I suck so much. I'm just not feelin it.
So we didn't get the house (another reason I didn't write...). I am sad about it. Well I was sad about it. I am pretty much over it now. Obviously it wasn't meant to be, but I had high hopes. So we are back to the search. Which is the worst part. It is fascinating how disgusting some houses are - and I don't mean messy, I mean like actually disgusting. You REALLY have to have an imagination to see the potential in some houses!
Yesterday was my birthday. Being 8 and half months pregnant you can imagine the rager that I had. I think Dennis and I were asleep before 9. I even missed American Idol. It really was extremely uneventful, but that was my choice. There were many people requesting a celebration of some sort, but I REALLY hate getting dressed and being out. I am so uncomfortable. The thing that makes me laugh the most is that people are like, wow you are so small for 8 months. Ha. It's all relative. I may be small compared to some one else, but I am not small compared to not being pregnant so it still sucks. Thanks though.
So I am totally addicted to Slurpees. It doesn't have to be an actual slurpee, but some kind of frozen juicey thing. It is my current craving. I had two yesterday! I think I could feel the sugar turning to fat in my ass and thighs. Oh well...Dominic needs sugar doesn't he?
Another exciting post for you...sorry I suck so much. I'm just not feelin it.
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